My husband and I have been married for 21 months. For just over a year, we’ve been trying to have kids. It hasn’t always been my every waking thought or in my every prayer, but lately it’s becoming so. I had a dream the other night of holding a sweet, chubby baby boy in my arms. As I sat in church that day, I saw parents with their children, little babies in their carriers, and thought of when my dream from the previous night would come to pass. Tears came to my eyes as I thought back to the prayers I’ve given, pleading with the Lord for Him to bless us with a child but with patience to wait for His timing.
I thought back to January 2009, when I sat in class at Brigham Young University – Idaho and the thought came to me to go on a mission. It filled my soul, and I knew it was what I needed to do. I fasted and prayed about it, but the answer came that I shouldn’t go. I was so confused why I would have such a strong feeling in one moment and then when I would seek confirmation, the answer was the opposite. But I moved on with life, graduated from college with my Associate’s and thought nothing of serving a mission again.
Fast forward almost two years. I had recently started dating someone. Things were getting pretty serious. I was happy at the time, but something felt like it was missing. I prayed fervently, fasted, and read my scriptures daily for the answer to come. I knelt in prayer one night, asking the Lord for Him to tell me how to fill the void, and it was then that I received the answer I had searched for two years earlier – go on a mission. That was an answer I neither expected nor wanted. I was happy in a relationship that was growing quite rapidly, and I didn’t want to give that up. But, I heeded the call to serve, and that boy sent me on a mission with a proposal of marriage. Did I want to go? Not at all. Did I wish to serve my Father in Heaven? Absolutely! Was I resentful because He answered me no when I had nothing to lose and told me yes when I felt like I was sacrificing everything? Unfortunately, yes.
For almost nineteen months I served the Lord with what I hoped to be a willing heart. I met some of the most amazing people and had some of the greatest strengthening experiences of my life. I became who I am today because of my mission. I don’t regret even the slightest bit leaving behind family, friends, and a fiancé to serve my Lord. When I got home, I found my feelings for that boy had changed, and, to keep a long story short, ended up marrying someone I met on my mission. We are so happy and completely and 100% in love. I wouldn’t have met him, or anyone else in Seattle for that matter, had I not listened to the call of the Lord to serve Him.
Accepting the Lord’s Timing
It was hard to leave behind the life I knew. It was hard to accept the Lord’s timing of it all, but the blessings I gained in return far outweigh the sacrifices I made. It’s not always easy to accept the Lord’s timing. We live in a world of fast-paced technology and can have almost anything we want within seconds at the touch of a button. But, the Lord doesn’t work like that. He has His own timetable, and He uses it for our advantage and gain. We don’t always see it that way in the moment, but we always see the blessings in hindsight. I don’t know why the Lord has had us wait for a child, but He’s a loving God. I know that. He doesn’t hold what we want from us just to see us suffer. It’s for our benefit. One day, my husband and I will welcome a beautiful baby into our home, and only then will we see the blessings of the Lord’s perfect timing.